obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a chronic anxiety disorder most commonly characterized by obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related compulsions. Compulsions are tasks or "rituals" which attempt to neutralize the obsessions. OCD is distinguished from other types of anxiety, including the routine tension and stress that appear throughout life.
which pretty much sums up the way I deal with stress and anxiety, but what I didn't know was that I didn't have to deal with my stress that way but the problem is I don't know any other way to deal with it, so now my counselor has prescribed me medication that will help me I guess "deal" with this anxiety and stress. Honestly I'm very unhappy about this I feel like its my fault and that I did something wrong, although my counselor has assured me its not my fault and that OCD could possible be genetic so I'm 100% sure my father has OCD because he exhibits peculiar behavior too. So I called my mother this morning and told her, I was a bit skeptical about telling my mom because I thought she would not understand and just tell me to snap out of it, but she didn't she just told me to go to my doctors appointment and take my medication, and when I told her I think I got OCD from daddy she said she wasn't surprised, my moms hilarious. But anyway I'm not thrilled about taking pills, because I can't swallow one to save my life and I know this sounds corny but I just wish I was "normal" I wish I was strong enough to deal with this but I can't and thats the hardest thing to admit. Plus I've been struggling with this for ten years so I know that I can't do this alone, but I'm just happy I finally found out what I was struggling with for all these years. It's not easy for me to open up to people because I hide a lot of feelings inside afraid to share them, but apart of this has a lot to do with "OCD" I didn't realize that until now but hopefully it will pass....
1 comment:
Jane, you'll be fine. We all have our issues that we have to deal with and not one of us is "normal." Not everybody has the courage to admit that something isn't quite right and try to get to the root of the problem, so I applaud you for sharing it publicly, because I know that wasn't easy for you.
Just continue going to your counsler and don't be afraid to ask him any questions. And I know how you feel when you say you feel you cause your OCD yourself. That's how I felt when my obgyn diagnosed me with PCOS (before the blood tests came back mostly negative).
And my pill intake is between 8 - 10 pills a day. Don't worry you get used to it.
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